Circle of Joy and Sorrow

Everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that which will be. -Marcus Aurelius

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Fourth Horseman

Now we lost a planet. Granted, the ball of ice had only been around for some 76 years and was created after an observatory decided that a ninth planet existed, and then lo!

Olive predicts: publishers reaping the profits of billions of new science textbooks for colleges only, astrologers reaping the profits of thousands of Scorpios with sudden onsets of inferiority, Christian evangelicals reaping a new sign of the coming end of days. Pluto’s fall from the heavens already garners thunderings that this vote by a bunch of geeks has invoked down the Fourth Horseman of the Apocolypse. You will also be interested to learn that Pluto’s rider is none other than Osama bin Laden. What- you didn’t guess?

Just because the horse of the 4th is supposed to be green. Which makes this whole nonsense that the rider is OBL instantly disprovable. Who could mistake green meaning anyone other than Al Gore?!

Allow me to correct a little more. The 1st Horseman appeared as Clinton, cleverly disguising his bow and crown as the saxophone and the condom. 2nd Horseman: the Dalai Lama. Does he ever dress in anything other than red? Does he not invade college campuses in our nation and seduce away rich white kids with chanting and a stupid bell? For the 3rd Horseman, one looks to all the poor black people who didn’t die in Katrina and now expect hard-working American taxpayers to rebuild their city. Now isn’t this list just way more trendy?!

Speaking of lists, now that Pluto’s been downgraded, perhaps a name change is in order. Since it’s an ice ball, how about Vodka or Snowball? Given the weight people give to a name, one type of crazy to another, perhaps we should go through society and find alternate names to everything people insist has some adverse affect on humanity. Would be a lot cheaper than foreign aid or the global eradication of Tuberculosis (which is the #1 killer on the African continent). Venus could be Blueberry and Mars could be Apple. Instead of recognizing the state of Isreal, it would be the state of Sandcastle. Could a new name project be worse than another season of American Idol?

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