Pagans Invented Big Government
Now tonight's bedtime story will be about why none of you should take up breaking and entering this summer, no matter how desperate you get to experience some AC. Two uniforms responded to my mother's house this evening after she entered 911, but hesitated to press send. In less than three minutes, one fist pounded on the front door, and one cop could be seen weaving through the pricker bushes surrounding the basement windows. We sheepishly opened the front door, clutching a wood bat and a 17th century genuine Portuguese pirate sword, which had definitely seen action. And one very recalitrant cat, who had knocked over a vacuum cleaner in the front hall closet and started the whole sortie.
So yeah, you should think about that before you try to slip into some random house to catch a few zzz's sprawled out on the linoleum of someone else's kitchen. You could end up having to choose between getting bashed or chopped up for dinner. I have yet to decide what ransom I will extract out of my mother that will keep me from mentioning that she accidentally dialed 911 (even though it technically dialed itself, which is awesome). Ah let's see. No, can't think of anything good enough. Not yet anyway.
So like every good bedtime story, there should be a moral around here, one simple enough for me to type out around three glasses of cheap Argentine red. I'm not sleepless for the excitement; I'm sleepless because to cool the house ran about $300 a month last year, and my mother would rather have money. A 72% rate hike has been approved for the state of Delaware, and Maryland is next. We will spend all summer asweat in the purgatory of deregulation. Competition in business is the comparison of the sharpness of one wolf's teeth to another, in the fleecing of us the sheep. So this summer, everytime you pump your gas, and you pay your electric bill, and you watch your whole life bleed out so that some rich corporate guy can buy a tropical island, or his fifth... Well, just remember how much more you hate big government. Pagans invented big government... and we did it for a damn good reason.
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posted by omelas @ 10:18 PM
3 Comments:
Another brilliant, witty post which made me smile and feel great sympathy on the bills front. One wonders how crime happens in the US if the police are so responsive - but then, I suspect, as over here, that where the 911 (or 999 in the UK) call was made from?
Had it been a bad part of town, would the response have been as quick? Or is the house a five minute walk from the police station? x
Around here at least, they tend to be proactive and station cop cars at the liquor stores until they close. That particular squad car just happened to be at a liquor store about two minutes away. It's a sleepy county and bonuses are tabulated on bustes, so any action is good action. LOL, so you'll have a dozen cop cars all respond to a bar brawl, just to get their badge numbers on the arrest papers.
Oh, and I did forget to update this story. The 72% rate hike has been approved for the state of MD as well. Sigh. This is going to be a long hot summer!!
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